Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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