so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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