I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
