I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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