They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
