Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
