in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
