the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
