69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
