I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
