is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
