well I can't set my house on fire every night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
