and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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