I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
