I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
