My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
