Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
