Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
