Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want her autograph on my taint
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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