My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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