He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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