cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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