If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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