trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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