Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
