Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
