Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
