Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nutella sex= disaster
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
