You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
