Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
