dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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