Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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