Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
