What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
