you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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