Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
