well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
porn star boner night. come get it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
