brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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