i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
