He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
