drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
