Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
