i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
