I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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