I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sobbing to NWA
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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