I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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