I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
