They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
