Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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