so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
