nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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