I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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