We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
