need another drink. this is the easiest way
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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