There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
