Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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